I thought I started my Labor Day weekend off productive with getting up (somewhat early) at 9:00AM to go get an oil change, maybe grab some coffee and conversation with the boyfriend while waiting and afterwards go pick up my bridesmaids dress from the alterations place. While the first item on the list was able to be checked off with ease…I can’t say much for the other two. Coffee and conversation was a bust after Mark’s phone went rogue and took a nose dive to the pavement upon arriving at the restaurant. From there it was a mash of expletives and muffled groans followed by a thorough full-body phone physical to check for damages–he might as well have given it a CT scan.
But I digress…the surfaced small talk I had at breakfast wasn’t the real blunder to my so-called productive Saturday…it was once I arrived at the alterations place. Upon walking in I was certain this was going to be a quick in-and-out scenario leaving me with the rest of my day to enjoy and possibly get started on this holiday weekend. When I dropped off the confidence killer that is my bridesmaids dress running at a solid 3 sizes larger than my usual dimensions in outerwear–OK (the alterations lady) had a good amount of fabric pinned back that she was going to take in. I left there feeling pretty good about where I was currently sitting with ‘bridesmaid preparations’ for Brooke and Nick’s wedding. Seeing as how I had about a month left before showtime–going to crossfit and stepping up on my diet game was going to be an absolute must. Not to say I expected to make a Jenny Craig customer before-and-after photo change, but I did want to do some damage control to ensure my measurements didn’t expand any further. Though I have been noticing some pretty great changes to my body with muscle growth and toning up in certain problem areas…one thing I may have failed to remember is what crossfit does to your glutes.
So here I am in OK’s alterations make-shift dressing room changing into the altered bridesmaid dress–or squeezing into rather. I would like to say that the hundred degree heat outside and lack of circulating air conditioning inside had something to do with it…but I’m not here to lie. I even attempted to use my perspiration as leverage to better slide into what can only be described as a candy apple silk sausage casing. I felt like a helpless insect who unsuspectingly took a wrong turn and found itself in the suffocating mouth of a Venus fly trap. There was a moment in that sauna of a fitting room where I almost had to just call the ETD (estimated time of death or depression depending on how you want to look at it) and have OK come in to cut me out of that thing. I actually would have just surrendered if I was wearing underwear…but I seemed to have forgotten those along with my senses for thinking I could wedge my bubble butt into that fabric tube of self defeat.
As I somehow contorted my limbs out of the dress and jumped back into my leggings- I opened up the curtain to a surprised and confused OK. I explained to her that I could not get the dress on-in the most simplest form of words to leave no room for confusion; however the quizzical look on her face led me to believe she was really going to make me out right admit that yes, I have somehow gotten wider in a matter of two weeks. She wouldn’t just take me saying–or my butt in general–as evidence enough, and insisted she see it on me to really understand the breadth of what we were dealing with. Taking one last swallow of my pride–and one final inhale, I took the dress and attempted to put it over my head (don’t even ask for me to step into that thing). OK was right beside me attempting to shift the fabric back and forth as if it needed just a little tug for the dress to fall perfectly over every curve like magic. Whelp sorry my friend…you arent the fairy godmother and I am no Cinderella…as much as I wish that were true. With two pops of her bubble gum– OK realized there was no stopping the combined power of “mixed” girl and crossfit butt. That was just a force that could not be reckoned with. Looking just as defeated as I felt, she took the dress off, grabbed the measuring tape and began to update my numbers.
Before leaving, OK decided to take one FINAL measurement for accuracy purposes and even gave me the reassurance she was going to also give a few inches-just in case. Well great– did I just alter a dress only to have it let back out to it’s original size?! I guess I will have to wait and see next Wednesday when I return for my candy apple confidence killer. Maybe over these next few days my butt will manage to get even bigger and we can just use OK’s fitting room drape instead. One can only hope!
Guess I can check ‘strip all confidence’ off my Saturday ‘to-do’ list. (Insert thumbs up here).